Yesterday I heard your voice in the cemetery

It was carried in the mist and the tombstones that chanted your name

It was like the scent of a snake tangled in my body

It sounded so close and real that if I closed my eyes we were somewhere we had ruined forever.

It was that I believed that if I stretched my fingers I would find your knuckles and the snort of your laugh

I don’t know

It was fantastic

Insane 

and impossible

Because we had left all that behind

We had already forgotten our numbers

and we had already lost the keys to our dead

But

I swear that yesterday

While I walked through Belgrano

I thought I heard your voice get lost in somebody else.

Ta.

It's true that my heart doesn't rise to see you,

but

still

there is us in my memory

I have the words that we had translated

in the streets that are our DNA

I hide the smiles that were the middle of the afternoon

and the song we shared. 

I keep with what became one 

and it's true that I no longer feel my soul long for you

but

still

I keep with some memories of us. 

 

Ta.

The bathtub

I slip through it

my head hits the edge

I break my neck

I die.

The knife

my head is on the table

my fingers touch the wrist in search of the best vein

the blood is warm against the blade

I'm bleeding out.

The car

the light is yellow

my feet feel like a bank robber

my heart says yesyesyesYES

my knees break

my head bounces off the asphalt

I’m run over.

The terrace

it’s autumn,

it's autumn when my demons howl,

the wind wants my cries of prayer

my skin is goosebumps

the lips taste like tears although I don't cry

the letter is taken by the city

one dies of fear and not of the fall

I crash.

The room

the bed is uncomfortable

my body is off

my brain repeats what has already lost the thread

my fingers are cigarettes

my lips say I'm everywhere and nowhere

my skin is a paint of abuse

it's silence with the blinds closed

life averts my gaze

I disappear.

Ta.

Did you want me like this?

In my favourite place with the freest smile directed to your bones

Or maybe

You wanted me in your arms as everything I thought I knew collapsed around me

I do not know what you wanted

But I'm sure that if you had told me, I would have taken out my heart and given it to you with the tears that implored for you not to steal having had you. 

Or was it that you wanted me around the tables repeating all the bad poetry about what colour I saw when we were around?

Why didn’t you tell me?

I would have learned the language of the politicians to keep you tied to me until the Titanic put us to sleep

God, what did you want?

and

Why didn’t you tell me?

Ta.

Lovemelovemeloveme

I beg you to love me

Distract me from what has no name

Give me the madness of your eyes demanding for what does not intrigue me

For the love of the holy that we have killed

Unleash in me the fury of owning you,

and the need to put my lips on your skin while I pray your name.

Give me the benefit of denial in just knowing how to speak what you teach.

Yield that I do not ask for more than the alleys of your heart before this stalking echo.

Love me

I beg the heavens for you

To kiss me fast and hard

Steal my polluted breath

And leave me imploring the devil that nothing separates me from you

Grab my skin

Fill it with bites and bruises

Teach me to pray our love

Tell me how to breathe our existence

That everything you are is better than this silence that leaves me begging you to love me.

Ta.

Hello,

I think I wanted you

That when you spoke to me my soul tied itself to you and didn’t let go

I know I told you everything bad about me

But you still shrugged your shoulders

Hello,

I'm almost sure that I loved you

That when you grabbed my hand during the fever my eyes marked you as the x of my route

I'm sure I showed you all my nerves and told you to be careful that they are capricious

You laughed light and free while jumping the rope

Hello,

There is no doubt in me, I liked you.

It was December which was actually September and you gave me a stepped flower petal, your fingers were cold and my heart said: "Oh, damn it"

I left you in writing that everything I say is a lie except when I speak of tragedy.

You thought that by being the first you were an exception

Hello,

But I know I told you that everything in me was poison

That if you turned my body you would only see fires

That all these smiles were hiding a desperation to be loved.

And yes, I was so toxic that you ran away without saying goodbye on your lips.

But

Hello,

I know you weren't perfect

I know that your voice created the most beautiful lies and my soul agonized for everything you invented.

I know your smile had an edge that was not talked about

I know that even on May nights I see your eyes reflected in my plans.

I know you had some evil things that I was forgetting in wanting to cleanse you of all your mistakes.

But

Hello,

It's all I've had since you left without a sound.

Ta.

Black cats bring bad luck and my cousin was ten when she saw one and feared for her future.

As a child, they tell you that the ugly duckling grew up into a swan but his colour never left him. His beauty only drowned out the screaming comments and nowadays people kill cats as sacrifices to an altar of a God that few pronounce.

Black cats are legends of macumba and midnight spells, the city's panthers who fight with stray dogs and who have all-seeing eyes.

They are not beasts that know of peace and tranquillity.

And it was for a reason that Poe relied on them for the madness of the culprit, there is a hidden message in the way these legendary beings hunt the weak.

They are emperors reincarnated in the pains of life, they are martyrs of history dedicated to bringing omens that people associate with the plague.

Because the small-minded society still associates black with threat and danger.

Their evil has no other depth because they are beasts that feed on savages, indomitable creatures that cross without looking both ways and jump over buildings with nine lives intact.

But crossing the Nueve de Julio in the fall of '21 is a commitment of those who seek a solution to their problems, to then stop by the body of the black cat on the side of the street, abandoned as if it was the side of the route or a forgotten person buried in scandals.

The autumn leaves that did not exist seemed to want to cover another crime of humanity that wanted to quiet the only evil that black cats have is to dare to live.

Ta.

Let's make a Deal

I’ll sign in silence

and you in my blood

Let's stop the clock for two years

for a few decades

you need more pain to keep your parties alive

I need more denial to take these bones where you wait.

I ask for a conference

sit with all your heartaches

that I’ll stutter myself out of this.

I want you to see that you are addicted to the burning of Troy

and I am the stalker of every war that brings victories to my lyrics.

We should meet halfway that

my back is breaking

my eyes are clouds

my lips are no longer good at casting

Let's do the closing of hands and give me a few days of robbery.

I’ll keep quiet

and you keep everything that is the loaded trigger.

Give me every last breath and I'll give you ten seconds.

Ta.

The gruesome truth

Is that as you grow

its closer to impossible to cut your veins 

With responsibilities that are stones

You don't have the time or the space to flee into five seconds of silence.

The sadness is that you are playing against your years

To be able to free you from all these sins

But your skin keeps touching other hearts

Your breath keeps remembering other palpitations

it becomes madness to even consider practising a knot

Now everything has an echo in memory that leaves you with bleach in any chance to get rid of this misfortune

But the shit of life is not having done it when you began

When weights were the pains of children who did not know better

When you were just another name among so many strangers

And you had no one to keep pretending for

And it is that the curse of existing is not having pulled the trigger before another fuking year was celebrated

Ta.

Tell her,

Tell her that when she yawns without covering her mouth she looks like a lioness about to bring the hunt of the day, tell her that the way she hums when she is bored drives you mad and makes you invite her to walk through all the neighbourhoods that have no name.

Tell her while she sleeps that you like to imagine that her dreams are sequels, that all the sighs and moans are food for you and that if she suffers, you feel it in the way she cuddles your back.

Tell her that no, you don't love her

That is very simple

That you love your dog

That you love the taste of dulce de leche on a rainy Sunday

That you love the colour red when it shines on her eyes

That you love that when people say bread and cheese it sounds like when you think of the two of you

But that you admire her in the way that she laughs with her fingers open, the way that she always says not to be hungry when you are near because she knows that you are always hungry.

Sit next to her and tell her that when you were a child the beating of your mother's heart was home but that now her breathing is your nation, that you no longer have a definition of hate and love that does not come with her name as a synonym.

Tell her that, there is no word to say how your heart contracts every time you see her walking with her eyes fixed on high buildings, that you do not know if you want to be the sky so at least you are in her point of view or be the tree that she watches from time to time.

Tell her that you can do this until she understands that you have learned her memory, that everything you used to know you learn back in her shadow, that you do not love how she cooks, but that you would die for her life, that everything she tries to fix always ends in chaos but that she still tries, without asking for a helping hand and that you understand, that you understand but that just in case you are always next to her.

Tell her in all the words that you have learned that you went through life, drunk, accepting all the charm that sought to pass the time, that you wanted to flee away from the way that her skin had torture tattoos and that her eyes never reflected the smile on her lips.

Confess that the first time you heard her voice you knew that this would be it, that you wanted the last goodbye you heard came from her lips, that your mind screamed danger but your feet walked towards her lighthouse. Tell her that every time you knock on the door you do it just to hear her welcome you.

Tell her that when the world is declaring war you only think of her and exhale, tell her that when she stands on her tiptoes and sticks out her tongue that she looks as the years that you didn’t know her, that if you were a stalker it could be in the way that you know that her nose betrays everything about her and tell her until you get tired and no longer feel hunger how it is that you love what no one could understand without stealing your heart.

Ta.