Give up

Fall to the floor

taste your tears with blood

and let the babbling be your new tears

let your hands be weak and make a cocoon of your legs. 

Reject the world and embrace the pain

become one with your misery. 

Welcome every defeat that comes with the echo of knowing that you could never, nor you would never. 

Get lost in the shame of being the one that makes a love hotel of deception

and then, 

when all is lost

when your name is a synonym of oblivion

when your rage becomes a domesticated cat

Spit the venom that you grew

Stand with revenge on your eyes

Do it with the tongue that brings the ghosts to your army

Let your blood mark the way for the enemies

say that yes you are all shame ever deny 

but you are every lesson ever taken 

Rejoice in the laughter of the pointed fingers and show that there is another reason as to why people remember more about Icarus than his father. 

Ta.

It’s from beyond the grave what I will say

It’s of broken promise and severed pinky

It’s that I like honesty and sweetness

I like your smile when I look at you from the corner of my eye and how you know everything that I forget.

I like how you call me adorable while your fingers entwine in my curlers

I love that you caress me while you tell me about your day

I love being able to snuggle up to your side and sleep away the weekend.

In truth, I am not much for passion and breathless kisses

I'm not into chasing buses and shouting from the balconies.

What makes me weak,

It's the warmth of your breath in my ear as you tell me how you adore me

The tapping of your fingers on my neck while calling my attention.

The simple sharing of looks that translate everything that words can't.

I love that you know everything that I hide,

Because this is an affair between you and me.

That no one else should know how it is that with you I am pure and innocent.

I am all the unruined childhood.

I am kisses on the cheek and hugs on the back.

I'm whispered songs and dancing on tiptoe

Because silence says that with you, whom I love, I unfold.

Ta.

Love me like the kiss of tainted death

Possess me like the treasures lost in the ocean

Desire me like dementia seeks its freedom in alcohol

Abuse me like every father that his first attempt was to disappear

Make it devious and evil

With blood in the smile

and tears on the fingers

Leave us with the echoes of my plea for your return

and the hypocrisy of your promises

Love me as if you were to abandon me for your survival

That, that is how I think I deserve you

Ta.

It was a year and it felt like twenty-five winters

I don’t know much about your life beyond the memory that they shared with me and your ghost haunts me in memories that I protect like a dragon with only one precious treasure.

I know that the tears no longer fall but my heart still weeps in remembrance that it was ten in the morning on a day like this and the world lost its shine because the grim reaper never discriminated.

My pain is not a tragedy, it is opaque and a sigh that I don’t want to share because my soul is a little more lost without your spicy comments that left me with a reply that had the affection that my lips never proclaimed.

And I cannot describe what a year without your existence is like, without thinking of cold white rooms, of smiles of: "Come on, give me a smile" that had the appearance of a goodbye and moments of candlelight that break me into pieces that no one would recognize.

You were the mother of all, you were the grandmother of our past, you were the guardian of who we were and the guide of what we will be. My words today and always will never be enough because you are the bridge of this family.

Last year, it was shit, an injustice painted this broken world and took away without apologies or excuses, and well, there is a fire in me that will never forgive those who failed me, those who took your breath and happiness.

But I must believe that there is still you in me because I didn’t learn from your past, but I learned from you with me and the glass of wine a day.

 

Ta.

I want us sweetly.

Like the needles of the clock before midnight, with your tired smile and my fingers following the lines of your lips.

I want us huddled together and with hearts yearning to make all that flesh, skin and bones disappear to feel like one.

I want us slow, let it be the first and last day that we are with loose but intertwined hands and your tears end in all my kisses.

I want us to lie on our back and on your chest while we say we remember everything we forgot, with my lungs recovering all the air you use to keep me alive.

And I want us to be in love, with your eyes seeing the steps while mine trembles with fear and your voice doesn't stop telling me everything I once thought I knew.

I want us to do it as if it were an infinite red light, that between each street we stop and steal a kiss, that we give ourselves a new memory so there will never be a break after us.

I want us eternally returning to us.

TA.

On the last night of July, I dreamt with you

we were Apollo and Icarus

I wanted to kiss you but my touch burned your hopes

and I didn’t want to wake up.

Even when my heart felt like the Operating game

and my legs had found the pose of an infant in fear

I refused to leave the dream where you had the smile that gave me outbreaks of heat in summer.

I welcomed grief rather than abandoning the stage where I was Romeo who read the truth before losing myself in the madness of a love in a hurry.

I would choose thousands of times to fall into an eternal sleep if there we had a scenario in which I was Hamlet saying to never doubt me and you were Ophelia not falling into despair but knowing that when my revenge ended you would follow me to my grave.

And I dreamed that you loved me, or better yet, you care, so sweet and fragile that I could smell the Narcissus in us and well when I woke up, there were still echoes of your touch on my skin.

 

Ta.