Drunk of Buenos Aires

Sometimes I wonder if you think of me, 

If in between sitting under the sun and getting up from the shade my name appears as a drunk of Buenos Aires. I stop in those minutes to think if there is a fleeting second where the two of us are stars destined to never cross paths. 

Its that I found a bittersweet taste at the chance that you pass through our streets and your skin burns to run away from the ghosts that still haunt the dirty corners of our minds.

Is curiosity tempting the cat, however, the years with their decades can pass, my heart can betray me two more times and my life can stop between all and me. And even then I will wonder if in a fleeting moment of oblivion you think about how is it that we are sharing the same planet. 

TA.

Runaway

I want to get out of my skin, out of the bones I have broken, the muscles I have burned. I want to leave this weight behind and kill the brain that still repeats the moments when you made me laugh. Abandon ship is what I am aiming for and need if I want to get somewhere, and I’m desperate enough to have summoned demons and angels to help me in this plan of mine to betray what is weighing on me.

I don’t owe you any explanations beyond the fact that my feet drag through the same streets to relive the moments in which I stupidly fell in love with the person who would take me to my knees and brake my defences.

I can’t keep up with the calendar and the hollow schedule that are promises made of lies, so I am pleading for the Grim Reaper to bring me the peace of this torture that is to have learned how to breathe. 

TA.

Unashamed

Ah, my love, I know that I should feel ashamed and sorrow for the way I fell on my knees and brought back the heart on my hand. But it becomes impossible when I can be brave just to be able to feel the pulse of your body under my hands. 

So I will never plead myself guilty because of wanting to know every secret that you’ve forgotten, and it's probable that a priest will look down at such audacity. However, I can’t help but smile and dance for daring to challenge your eyes to get to know your soul. 

It's true that you have betrayed and disappointed me, but my mind learns as it remembers. Thus I will not risk again for those who don’t know how to appreciate the madmen of love. 

Even so, I want you to know that I will never deny that it was ecstasy to have met you and tried. 

TA.

After

Then,

I never asked for forgiveness, since it is easier for me to say them first and save all the drama. It’s cheaper and my mother tongue, so I never had complications, even when my stomach turned into knots that left me pounding my bones to dust. It was the first thing I learned with the lonely cry in the bathroom: “I am sorry to me and anyone who has met me as I am worst than Chernobyl”. And I never asked anyone forgiveness even when they spat at me, lied to me, broke me and hurt me. I took it with pride and came back with shame for saying what they couldn’t. It was that I didn’t know how it sounded so I got used to the abuse and the fightss that I knew how to end fast if I made it always my fault.

Now,

You don’t know how to say sorry, you know how to smile crookedly and twist your words to your benefit. You always have this excuse that leaves the guilt on the skin and you are perfect in how you leave the crime on the soul of others. You have been heard saying sorry but the echo that follows takes the value away. And we all know that you never mean it, that is just a word for you, a tool to get what you want. And yes, you are beautiful, intoxicating, amazing and awful and the world gave its root to your feet. But that doesn’t give you the damn right to smile while you tell me another of your excuses. I know you have the time, that you have the waste of your life, so let me teach you in a bathroom how to cry and beg that I don’t hurt you like you have done every time you looked into my eyes with your crystal lies. 

TA.