After

Then,

I never asked for forgiveness, since it is easier for me to say them first and save all the drama. It’s cheaper and my mother tongue, so I never had complications, even when my stomach turned into knots that left me pounding my bones to dust. It was the first thing I learned with the lonely cry in the bathroom: “I am sorry to me and anyone who has met me as I am worst than Chernobyl”. And I never asked anyone forgiveness even when they spat at me, lied to me, broke me and hurt me. I took it with pride and came back with shame for saying what they couldn’t. It was that I didn’t know how it sounded so I got used to the abuse and the fightss that I knew how to end fast if I made it always my fault.

Now,

You don’t know how to say sorry, you know how to smile crookedly and twist your words to your benefit. You always have this excuse that leaves the guilt on the skin and you are perfect in how you leave the crime on the soul of others. You have been heard saying sorry but the echo that follows takes the value away. And we all know that you never mean it, that is just a word for you, a tool to get what you want. And yes, you are beautiful, intoxicating, amazing and awful and the world gave its root to your feet. But that doesn’t give you the damn right to smile while you tell me another of your excuses. I know you have the time, that you have the waste of your life, so let me teach you in a bathroom how to cry and beg that I don’t hurt you like you have done every time you looked into my eyes with your crystal lies. 

TA.