Without boundaries

I love you so much that your fucking nature is that, I do not make poetry and songs of it. I listen to your betrayals and accept them as they come and go. My heart for you has no limits.

You have those manias of asking the reasoning and understanding of the screws of a clock. You have upset me and left me with the head on the pillow and a whim on the lips. But as I love you without rules I adore your incomprehensible.

T.A.

Sin

You were lust and greed, the seven. My lips are painted in the sins that I committed for you, my nails stained in the earth that I crawl and my eyes are dry. There are words that sprout like branches from me and the thorns squeeze the bones in my body. Of my laments, even the moon knows them. And I haven’t paid my crimes, my sentence is your name and the cross is your existence.

If there is a time for drama and desolation, it is when I have raised the white flag and closed the door of us. That is where you have emerged victorious in your blindness and my excuses.

T.A.

My loneliness

My loneliness has no language, it's abusive of morning, afternoon and evening. Everything is the taste of water and stale bread, my friends are shadows and my love drives me to the precipice. My blood is the poison that is consuming my skin and the mind is silent. It's all going so slow that I'm suffocating with a rope that still saves me. 

And I want to let go, abandon. 

I want a silence that lasts for hours and days, close my eyes and be able to breathe for three minutes. I want to believe that the end is not the goal and that there is something to fulfill. But I am running out, left feeling hollow and simple, without a reason to keep trying and doing.

T.A.

Lonely love

My body is impatient, moving my legs and jumping the steps. Unable to sit still, in a constant coming and going that is heard in the streets of Sundays. My fingers are tied behind my back, and there is a demon in my who speaks to my heart when I sleep. He sighs for me to give way, gives in. Close your eyes and kiss the stranger's lips. My dreams have a taste of betrayal and are the beginnings of a nightmare in reality. And there is something rotten in everyone that we can’t be alone and accept the cheapest love.

T.A.

Letters to my love

My love,

The time has come, it's time to cut the ties and open the chains, the end has arrived and we never started. It's funny, and I laugh between my tears.

Today my friends were on your side, fighting to love you. Insisting on facing the currents and defying fate and winning.

Today I escaped from my friends.

It's not something nice to do, the cut, the distance, the lies and folding the corners. It's not going to be easy, you are behind my eyelids and we have too many people in common. I have a fondness for you that ruins me, and yet I must do it, because I can’t, not anymore. I have no more strength to try, to look and feel good, to speak and be silent, in which our times are still lost. The white flag is tempting.

I know it's to be a quitter and there are thousands of excuses to come. I've been told, I've dreamed it and I've written it, yet I'm going to stop. Your streets I will not step on them. Your messages will bury them in wasted chains and your photos will be in Shoeboxes. I will start to flee as I have done in the past, it will be more difficult. You live at a close distance, your existence is an apple and your name floods my life. It will be an exam that I will fail too many times.

But I learn from my mistakes.

My life, don’t think it's your fault. Although you did play and made me doubt, yet you were several times, direct, and I was a coward. Now I doubt there is a possibility of a kiss and I refuse to try to create another wound in my heart. My hummingbird, I will always take you with me, in the simplest, most durable, and secret forms. I will have you in my words, in my dreams, in the eyes I look for and in my favorite hair color. I will keep you in the sound of your laughter and your warm hugs, and finally in the aroma of bonfires. I will be renouncing dead possibilities but I will not let you die.

I hope you can understand. Accept my apology and that this letter is my love for you. That I am only a human who doesn’t know how to accept love and thus does not accept any and I do not want to ruin yours or mine. I wish you the best.

Always yours,

T.A.

P.S: Just, please, I beg you, if you are happy with another, do not tell me.

Stupid people in love

The smiles with the taste of dulce de leche and the sticky lips. Broken leaves of autumn and a deaf ear, the blankets on the shoulders and the silence of his knowing. It's every wink, movement, grimace that makes you fall in love. Your name in his voice is a spell you did not know about. He catches you with soft words, comments that leave you thinking. And it hurts in the smallest bones, in the closed scars and the lack of his presence in your life.

“Come on, hug me” And you can’t because you fear never letting go. Every little minute is a treasure in blocked corners of your mind. You are drunk on joy and oxytocin after seeing him. The drug isn’t an addiction, it’s him.

And he's not going to break your heart, he is going to break your soul.

T.A.

The difficult in loving

It wasn't that he was easy to love, it was that it was hard. He was the kind of person that lightened up the sky with one word. The guy that sat at the head of the table and wouldn't talk but everyone would look at him. He was the man that made me want to be more than a galaxy, that talked in dead languages and knew his shit. 

He could make me second-guess and let me wondering about everything.

He left me alone to let me know myself and he didn't ask about the sad eyes. He wanted to make me part of the world and to live on it, he was burning the love I had left and I had made my peace with it.

And the worst was that he didn't know. He didn't notice the lingering looks and the need to avoid the hugs that would melt me. I made him blind to the raw want I had for him. And I left him wondering if I loved him or hated him and I left myself with dreams of him.

T.A.