What did I do?

I did it

I tried

I accepted it

I looked for it

I stayed in a corner crying for help

while hugging my knees and waiting for a saviour

I hide in the denial of pain

I destroyed myself with a cold desire for more

I do not know what happened

I knew I wanted

it was impossible to say no

I was not looking for this wound

that was like returning to my home

I wasn't tired

I wasn't finding the explanation

I was entertaining the option like an addict 

I forgot at the first blink

I marked my veins in the burning

I drowned in white fear

I lost it

I tried

I thought it

I planned it

and I don't know if I failed

or survived.

TA.