Letters to my love

My Love,

You requested a recount of the times I said I love you. You said you needed to know when it was I said it for the first time, left in clear that my heart was beating for you. Warned you all the power you had on me. Your request was fair.

The problem was the truth.

Because I never did say it to you, I said it to another person and she hated you. I felt it was too big of a word for my lips yet too small for us. Every time I thought of saying it, it didn’t felt like it was saying how it felt being near you, it felt wrong. 

I didn’t say it because I didn’t find it necessary. I thought it was obvious in the way I smiled with you and looked at you with the intention of going blind. My darling, you saw me cry, and you held me for thirty minutes and I didn’t kiss you when I should have.

It was stupidly obvious.

I said it with my own words, with a quiet: Te quiero. 

That was it. The feeling of chocolate melting on your tongue. The warmth and happiness spreading form toes to fingernails. It's one leg hanging off the roof. I said it with an honest heart, stare fixed on you and with the rapid beat of my heart. 

It’s the way I used to hold you from your elbow, your crooked smile and sleepy walk, it was the feeling of November. 

It was far better than a simple I love you, everyone loves something, someone, anything, its easy like ABC. 

Honey, I must have said it three to five times, from messages to in person, I said it when I was feeling it. When you where the light in the night and you tried to lie to me when you wore that mask and said I was dumb. I said it loud and clear because you mattered. 

You were in the know. 

Talk to you soon,

All my love,

T.A.