Coward

I imagined getting away, growing up, falling and happy. I made goals out of them, yet I never did make it. Because I am afraid of not knowing. Of the way her smile can light up a room and how warm his arms are. Or to call another street by its own name and sleeping in different beds. 

I was terrified of living, of holding hands and making promises. Of breathing one second at the time and doing right this time, of not being sleepy and high all the damn time. 

My bones were shaking thinking about it. Ready to scram, and God I was praying for the wrong thing because I couldn't do it. 

I couldn't live, because feeling his smile against my skin, hearing the sound of my name ending with us. Smelling the scent of your clothes on my dreams telling the same old jokes and laughing at them, was drowning me. 

So to live, to live would be... 

T.A.