My bitter love

Love isn’t cheap, it isn’t clay, nor the game of the season that you can discard and create to your convenience. It isn’t what you expect and you can’t fix it with flowers and forgiveness. 

And if you come to me with the notion that love survives everything, then you haven’t been lie to your face while you had your heart expose. 

It's beautiful to believe in fairy tales and to think that the princess has a chance with the prince, but, let's go further. Let's follow the story and see how love hinders everything because their first minutes can be magic, they can have stars for eyes and the chances are in their favour. 

However, love isn’t that, love is bitting your lips and fighting against what is written on the rocks. Is that there isn’t worse torture than feeling the beat of your heart and that you are always a step too close to dying when you are next to your person and I’m sorry but love is the first to die. Is just is. It doesn’t have salvation in his kisses or in the way he holds you. 

Because, first there is you, before us, before them, before anything else. There is you, alone, swimming for the first time, repeating your name and learning that you can love him. But you can’t handle the pain that entails bearing with the lies that come out from his lips like a delicacy created just for you and you would love to reach the end of a life with him.  You would like to have the chance to call you eternal and bind you in a commitment that leaves you tangled in a bindweed. 

Yet, it isn’t like that, love never takes you to united roads and betrayal is the price to pay for it. Is that if you really believe that you have a chance then you haven’t truly loved, you haven’t lost and fallen into your knees because you have gotten your soul stole. 

If you have the dream of winning the battle of blood then you haven’t begged to your love not to leave you after you renounced to shame to have him. 

Love isn’t this beauty that they made you believe, where the two of you are safe to be together and be the promise of tomorrow. Love is there to wake you to life and leave you with a hollowness in your chest that marks you as a war victim. 

Don’t go to him thinking that he is the hero, that he has the cure to all evils and that his smiles are where happiness lies. He has poison between his lips and his feet aren’t going to meet you. Its sadness to accept that he does care for you, loves you, wants you, need you and could be the explosion of life in the sky, yet he isn’t next to you. 

You are alone at night, dying from the agony of abstinence and he has left you, he told you he loved you like it was a vow made in front of your God. But love, loves is breakable, is time and what is time if not forgetting the colour of his eyes when he looked at you? There is an ending to the fairy tales, that of where the earth is too big to believe in the existence that there is a power that can do everything. Not when this world tells you that a human wasn’t made to survive the company of another.

If you want love if you seek it, go with open eyes, with weapons at hand and spit blood. Because it isn’t perfection, its murder and you will have to be wielding to commit crimes and sins. As it will demand of you to drag yourself throw mud to then get burnt in the stake, it will want evidence and a need to have you in a leash. 

Love isn’t the simpleness that they told you, is the hate that everyone talks about, the one that all consumes and you are mad. You are an addict that if you don’t have it you forget about breathing, and it will betray you, you will hurt it, you won’t come out the same and it's awful. 

Is the worst damage ever done to me by a loved one and I’ll do it again, just not with him not when it was his love that left me in a hollowness of my self. 

TA.