My believes

That I was in love with the way I had built you, with ideals and perfections. That, that, would lead me to a solution that would not end in expectations and medications and a simple understanding. I needed him to be in my corner so I could sleep with eyes closed and my mind paused. And that my feelings could be explained without the swords. 

I searched for you to stay when the words got stuck, to tie your hands to my body and decide not to give in, or change and personify. That I desperately project into you what I needed to survive. 

I gave you the tools to be the perfection of my brain and I hoped that you would love me when I gave you the answer.

And I fool myself into believing that I needed someone else to be able to exist and accept. That I thought I was unable to live without a company that attacked the midnight demons and pushed me up the hill. 

I thought I was incapable of being strong and indestructible to be enough reason for my life.

TA.