Letter to my love

My Love,

Two weeks have passed since the last time we saw each other, it isn’t long for us, although, it always feels like it's been since our death. But that changes when our corners collide and there you are with your cigarettes and me with my tea.

It's to skip a second and I have summoned the ghost of you, and I'm looking forward to you harassing me with the torture of your existence.

And this time I write to you because the other day I  heard you asking if I loved you or was playing and I must say that that is stupid. 

Because if I cared for someone it was you, it is true that I loved before and that I liked several, that It's hard to deny and I would not lie to you, 

now, 

Want?

No, only you. 

And that is more difficult, more complicated, is to see your faults, your bad temper, the short-legged lies, the lack of time management and the sick positivism with the fear of contaminated friendships. 

It is power to see them, recognise them, deny them to accept them as your beating heart because if you didn't have that madness you wouldn't make me lose my mind.

Of course that at one point I thought about it, 

the idea of planning, changing your opinion of the world, lowering your high walk and giving yourself a 360 change.  Highlighting faults and achieving a new look of yourself, of stopping your comments about Tigre and the music that you like. 

To make your broken laugh sound like ice cream during summer, to make you know the definition of space and time to let the lies down. 

All this I considered it, and more.

The problem was born My Life when I remembered how they did it to me and I saw the wounds in my being that still did not heal. 

And I could never do that to another living being, less of all to you that makes me want to live more than what I have ever wanted and more than anything. 

Because one day I saw you, with a frown, bitter words and cold touch. 

One day I met you in one of your worst and you had only woke up. 

I didn’t like it, I recognised it, and it hurt, it made me sad and 

I knew

I couldn’t, 

I didn’t want to ever change you.

It is true that they have asked me why I like you, 

you are not the easiest person to love, you have a complicated personality, that brings doubts and conflict. 

You have a maze as a mind and you are open to admitting it. 

You are cocky and annoying, with too much energy and an enigma with answers. 

I know all the reasons why my friends keep asking me. 

Yet 

I  know that I'll shrug my shoulders, look them in the eye and tell them that you make me laugh. 

And believe me, that is difficult.

You make me laugh with weak laughs. 

With stupid smiles on the lips. 

Hands-on the stomach and open mouth and eyes that shine freedom and forgetfulness of life. 

You make me laugh as if I did not know of the pain and broken heart, 

you make me laugh a new air.

I know you must have one and a thousand questions, I am not an easy human being, nobody is. 

I have never given you the evidence to believe me when I tell you that I care, that you are on my list, that I love you and could not hate you. 

You have the right to doubt and question my actions, to avoid and to fear my playing with your heart, but

 if you only saw my smile during another of your jokes,

at my look at you when you leave, 

at my way of mentioning your name between my friends and my dreaming about you. 

You would know it without questions to think. 

But that would be asking for a rainbow at night.

So please do not hesitate, 

read my letters and understand that I love you,

that the laughs are yours,

that my unfinished poems are for you 

that there are secrets that I keep to be able to tell you one day. 

And that among my first three wishes you are the first

Best regards,

T.A.