If I could, I would

Oh, If I could enclose it in words, if I knew every word in the dictionary I could describe his presence, his comfort in his bones, with eyes closed, the arms lose, dancing and the confident body and I knew I could love him, like when he talked with passion and justice, with the evilness on his lips and the sweetness on his tongue, I had to bite my lips so as not to kiss him and sin.

Then there were the moments where he would hug someone else, body committed, warmth in his hands and a smile in his eyes and I just wanted to say: “Me, hug me, like that always, whenever, just you, hold me” but I would see the traffic lights change of colour and I wouldn’t say it.

Finally, he would disappear, like an act of magic, with silent steps, the head down, the exhausted body, and I would just search for him, not because of a need, but because I was worry, because of want, to protect and because of him, and I couldn’t go and grab his hand to never let go, I couldn’t explain that his smile was my laugh, and its unbearable, insufferable, and a language I don’t understand, but if he gave me the chance, if he told me “Yes”, I would give him even the dead in me, my fearful heart would be his and my poems would burn in his words, if I just could have that moment again, I would do it right and I would tell him that I love him.

But I have lost and I only have these words to say who he was.

T.A.