What I want to tell you

I would tell you, that my favourite colour is the yellow-green, the leaves between life and death, still resisting and fighting, that there are time where I don’t sleep because my mind can’t stop thinking of improbable sceneries, I would tell you the way I understand your wounds and that I don’t want to erase them but to cherish because they are you. I would tell you about my unreasonable fear to mechanic stairs and I would confess which poems are yours and which are from pass loves so you could understand my association with love.

I would share with you my sins, my love for the history that tells our past and I would let you know the way my heart beats when I see you.

I would reveal everything, from my victories to my shames, from the injury on my knee to my draws on my wrist, I would talk to you about my favourite bands and of the night I spent listening to yours, that there are times that it hurts to love you, and that is why I run, I would explain that no, it isn’t your fault, it’s just that I have loved and it hurts until I begged to forget.

I would tell you of the first day I met you, and also of the time that I cried until I lost my voice to never know the reason why, I only knew that it hurt, it hurt to breathe, it hurt to walk and to live, it just. Hurt. And I needed to cry. 

I would describe the first time I fell in love, so you could know why you are different, that I just jumped with closed eyes and without thought, that I gambled and I lost more than my heart and reason, that I coned myself, and that is why with you I play with caution, because you, you I do not want to lose.

Because I carry your scent on my skin, your name slips from my lips in every sentence, I look for you in impossible streets and smile because you exist even if it’s miles away, you are the storm and the calm and I want to share with you who I am.

However.

When you stand next to me and you breathe my air, when there are only three steps between us and you make those jokes that have no ending or start and just a middle, when your eyes land on me, my words abandon the boat and I am left speechless.

You leave me with a drunk smile, a smile that I want, no, I need you to know that is yours, I will not, shall not smile like that to no one, this hope and happiness is yours, this need to talk and begin is only yours. To try. 

And is because I have a life to tell.

T.A.